Reckless Abandon
by hallucinogeniccrush
Summary: Her addiction made her spiral out of control, into reckless abandon. Starts at 3x19, Eyes Wide Open and continues on from there. Mostly canon ships, centres around Amelia and Addison. Pete/Addison, Sam/Addison, Amelia/Addison, Amelia/Charlotte friendship. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Please read and review! :)
1. 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Private Practice, or any of the characters.

Some dialogue is direct from the show, otherwise it is of my creation.

_She had always been the sister she had never had, but was it something more than that?_

Addison never knew how to react when Amelia Shepherd arrived unannounced. The sheer unadulterated beauty in her presence gave her goosebumps on sight. She needed preparation. She needed warning. If there was one thing Addison Montgomery did not do well with, it was surprises - especially those in the form of one of her ex-Husband's sisters. The sister she never had. The girl whom she had been close with for so long, yet drifted apart as soon as the marriage had failed. Addison felt guilty about that fact; she had been so focused on getting her life back together, her_self_ back together, that she hadn't thought of the effects this severed tie might have had on the other girl. Her 'sister'. Since moving to LA, she could honestly say that she hadn't given Amelia a second thought - well, how could she? Her life had been a mess since moving there, well since before that, but she had been so caught up in all the drama, she had _let _herself forget. Forget the glare of those icy blues, forget the sheen of the dark mane of hair, the take-no-prisoners attitude. She could honestly say that she admired the girl, yes, that was it, she admired her. That was all. She was just surprised by her sudden appearance in St Ambrose Hospital, in LA, and in her new life. She was surprised. That explained all these thoughts and feelings that overcame her upon sight of the dark-haired young girl. Just surprise.

Addison watched as Amelia challenged Ginsburg, watching the intensity in her eyes, in her body language. She had always been this way. Hurricane Amelia, they used to call her, and the name suited her fiery personality. It was hard to believe that this young girl, this spitfire, had grown up to become an accomplished neurosurgeon. Derek would be proud, Addison smiled. But Ginsburg didn't like to be challenged. The doctor told Amelia she had lost her fellowship, and Addison watched the younger girl's face as she accepted the news, seemingly brushing it off, and continuing with the task at hand. She also watched, as later that day, Amelia completed the surgery. There were complications, but she had made it. Amy had succeeded. And Addison was proud of her, but she needed to curb the recklessness that was so present in the younger girl's nature. The recklessness that could possibly cause harm in the future, and presently caused Amelia to look as though she had quite a bit of self-doubt, even though the surgery had mostly been a major success.

"Amy", Addison began. "Nobody except Derek calls me Amy, anymore", Amelia countered. Addison frowned. "Amelia, you froze. You're reckless, and you freeze, and you are so doubtful of yourself sometimes, that I worry. You did an extremely experimental procedure, and it could've turned out _so_ many shades of wrong, but you did it. And as much as I want to lecture you, you did it. And I am so proud of you." Addison pulls the girl into a hug, and feels the tension in the air dissipate as Amelia relaxes into the embrace. She feels shaky at the contact, and so pulls back quickly and walks away, leaving the brunette staring after her, with what she can predict is a look of unadulterated, pure hurt.

Addison didn't ask why Amelia came home with her after the surgery. It just felt natural, and, she guessed, Amelia didn't really have anywhere in LA to stay now that she had been fired. She sat down, Amelia taking the seat to her right. "I'm worried about you" Amelia frowned, pouring them both a glass of red wine. "Why?" Addison asked. There was nothing for her to worry about. Sure, she was in love with someone else, but so were so many people. She wasn't special. "You're with Pete, but you're in love with Sam. Your best friend's ex-husband." Amelia looked at her with concern. "I'm love them both, Amy. I especially love Lucas." She could feel the worry from her right without even looking into those blue eyes. The younger girl moved over, closer to Addison, and spoke in a hushed tone. "You're settling." Was she, though? Was she 'settling'? She was in love with Sam, but she also loved Pete, and Lucas, and although the whole situation was complicated, she never really thought that she was 'settling'. Although, now that this had been brought up in conversation, she couldn't stop thinking about it. Did she always just settle? She let her mind to drift to the past, to the many failed relationships she had been a part of.

She felt a hand over hers. "Look, I'm sorry, Addie", Amelia apologised. "I just don't like seeing you this way. So..empty." Amelia's thumb stroked the top of Addison's hand. She shivered. Pulling her hand back, Addison gripped the glass of red wine like a lifesaver. "I'm not empty", She retorted, taking a sip. She allowed the bitter liquid to burn her throat before continuing. "I love Pete, I really do. And I love Lucas." Amelia nodded, but Addison could tell that the younger girl was just trying to placate her, and that there was no real intent behind the action. Addison stood up, faking a yawn, and a stretch, hoping to end this conversation. "I'm wiped", she began, starting to turn in the direction of her bedroom. "I need to get to sleep." She didn't wait for a response, and continued to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her and throwing herself onto the bed. It had been a long day. Physically and emotionally. And she really was tired, but she doubted that she would get much sleep that night.


	2. 2

**Author's note: **

**I know this isn't really a popular ship, but this is going to include lots of different ships once I get it going past the initial premise. I would really like more readers, and reviews! Not sure if people still read PP fanfics anymore. I began writing this as I finished season 3 the other day, and also because I was surprised by the lack of fics with Addison/Amelia!**

**Feedback is always appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own characters or Private Practice.**

She didn't get to sleep.

Addison tossed and turned, the events of the day taking their toll on her mind, rapidly firing thoughts and feelings that she _really_ didn't have the patience or energy to deal with right now, at this moment in time. She didn't manage to get a full hour of sleep by the time the sun came up the next morning. Giving up on getting any rest at all, Addison rose at 5am, gently padding into the kitchen to get some coffee. She noticed Amelia, curled up, fully clothed, on her patent leather couch. She looked so peaceful. Addison smirked at the thought that this was perhaps the first and only time that she had _ever_ seen the younger doctor look peaceful, this peaceful, at least. Amelia looked so innocent, her arms holding her knees to her chest, curled up in the fetal position. She remembered times when she would babysit Amy, when she was younger, and they would curl up on the couch, pretending to watch romantic comedies whilst actually reading Obstetrics journals under a flashlight. The two would more often than not wake up the next morning, holding each others hand, bodies close. Amelia wasn't really that young, but still, she was thirteen years younger than Addison. It was like having a sister and having a best friend all in one. She missed that. Addison resisted the urge to join her, right there on the small couch, to let herself get caught up in the innocence of the brunette's dreams, to relive the sleepovers of the past. _Let the girl rest, Montgomery, _Addison thought to herself, and picked up her empty coffee cup, walking over to the breakfast nook, and turning on the coffee machine.

She heard the shuffle of movement on the couch behind her as she sat at the breakfast nook, eating granola and drinking coffee that had long gone cold. Mumbling and soft cursing could be heard as Amelia stretched and sat up slowly, looking over her shoulder at Addison. "Morning, Addie", Amelia called over the couch, standing and walking over to her ex-sister in law. Amelia would never understand how Addison could look so damn...well, so damn _beautiful_ at 6am, dressed only in an oversized t-shirt and furry cat slippers, her short red hair tied in a knot on top of her head, loose tendrils flowing down her neck and her temples. Hell, Amelia had just woken up, fully clothed, with what she was sure were indents from the couch on her right cheek. She unconsciously touched her hair, and felt that her dark, long mane was indeed messy and in dire need of a shampoo. She was also sure that her eyes looked like a panda's right now, due to the lack of make up remover in her handbag. She could've just used Addison's, she knew, but she still felt somewhat uncomfortable as a guest in this home. In _her _home. Sure, Addison was still kind of her family, she always had been, but it had been years, about seven to be exact, since the neo natal surgeon had deigned to send her a letter, even give her a call. And as hard as it was for Amelia to admit to herself, because she tried to be so damn independent, so damn careless and, well, _heartless_, it hurt that the woman who had been such a huge part of her life had just disappeared out of it, without a second thought, without a word of goodbye. Amelia secretly hoped, deep down, that this unexpected visit could start something new between the two of them, a new chance. A chance to revisit their friendship, their sisterly relationship. A chance for her to feel loved again. Wanted. Truth be told, Amelia had spent far too much time screwing her way through medical school, her internship, her residency, she really needed some stability. She needed a constant. And that constant, the only one she knew she could actually count on, was Addison Montgomery.

Addison heard footsteps behind her and an arm around her shoulder; she turned to face her ex-sister in law. Even though she had slept in her clothes, on the couch, Amy still looked beautiful as ever. Even with the indents in her cheek from the couch cushions. "You look like hell", Addison smirked, earning a joking glare from the younger girl. "Why thankyou" She retorted, "You're a bit of a hot mess yourself." She bit her lip as soon as the words left her mouth, flushing a furious red. She needed to change the subject. Amelia gestured to herself, then to the bathroom down the hall. "I smell like an airplane. Probably should go shower or something" She explained. Amelia began walking down the hallway, peeling her grey t-shirt over her head, revealing just a white lace bra underneath. Addison blushed as furiously as Amelia had moments before. Luckily, Amelia didn't even notice, as she wasn't facing her. As the younger girl unclasped her bra from the back, Addison could swear she felt her face heat even more. She put her hands on her cheeks, biting her lip. Amelia chose this moment to turn around, hands over her small, yet seemingly pert breasts (_not that Addison was looking, or anything_), and throw a smirk and wink her way as she dropped the flimsy white material to the floor. Amelia noticed the way Addison had reacted to her lack of clothing, and felt a shiver go through her system. She shook it out, and then looked back to her friend. "Um...Towels?"


	3. 3

**Thank you so much to those who reviewed! I really love reviews, they definitely inspire me to post more, sooner!**

**This chapter is a bit of a filler chapter, but I'm trying to fully develop these characters at the same time as progressing the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Private Practice.**

Addison finishes getting ready for work as Amelia showers. She still holds lingering reminders of the image she could not quite get out of her head. Amelia had always been so... _comfortable_ with her body, it was hard not to look at her in admiration. And blush, because, let's face it, the girl had quite the body.

Plus, it's not as though Amy hadn't caught her in quite, er, compromising situations before. She wouldn't be surprised if the girl hadn't seen her partially naked, at least once. The thought makes her laugh to herself, as she finishes applying the final coat of her mascara. She feels someone behind her in her room, and turns to see Amelia, clad only in a towel, smirking at Addison, as usual.

"Do you ever knock?" Addison asks, feigning annoyance, but a smile tugs the corner of her lips.

"Only when I'm clothed," Amelia retorts, throwing a wink her way. "Anyway, sis, what are you laughing about? You know that laughing to yourself is one of the first signs of madness, or something along those lines."

Addison pokes her tongue out, then blushes at her display of immaturity.

"I was just laughing at how you have not changed a bit, in all these years," She replies.

Amelia's face momentarily darkens, and she wonders whether she has said the wrong thing.

"A-Anyway", She stammers, "I have to get to the practice. I'm on call later at the hospital, so I need to get in early."

Amelia nods.

"I have to get to the hospital soon to check on Kayla, anyway" Amelia admits. "We can have lunch or something later? Only if you want, though." She looks embarrassed, as though Addison is going to say no to her invitation.

"Of course, Ames" Addison smiles, walking past the younger girl, and places a chaste kiss to her temple. "I'll catch you later."

Amelia can't believe that she'd called Addison 'sis'. What a monumental freudian slip. She doubts the red head had even noticed the slip of the tongue, though, as the two have been so close for so long, inseparable, practically sisters, that the word was traded interchangeably with no issue.

Towel drying her long, brown hair, she thinks about the reason that she was here. Here being Addison's ridiculous beachside condo. She has screwed up yet another opportunity; a fellowship with a world renowned neurologist. She was so angry with herself.

She thought that she'd changed, that she was far beyond this self sabotaging behaviour. Sure, it worked out in her favour this time, as the patient had woken up from a coma, with no perceivable brain damage so far, but she had still done the wrong thing by questioning her superior. She applies her makeup slowly, as her hands shake with anger. Anger at herself, mainly. As usual.

She can't call Derek to ask for a job; he will be only too eager to offer her a fellowship at 'Seattle Grace Mercy West', and she would forever be 'McDreamy's' little sister, and in his debt. Amelia just couldn't handle that. She has been under Derek Shepherd's shadow for far too long. Come to think of it, she had _always_ been under his shadow. She loves him, she really does, and she was so grateful to him for introducing her to Addison, but she had always been compared to her older brother, and it was getting old. She didn't need him to rescue her anymore.

She wasn't the drugged up loser that she had been in the past. She was clean, now. She was trying.

That should be enough.

Amelia walks into the hospital cafeteria later that afternoon, to meet with Addison for lunch, as they had planned. She has spent the morning checking on Kayla, running bloodwork and checking scans, and, so far, all is good. Finding an empty table for two, she sits down and checks her phone absentmindedly whilst she waits for Addison. As she checks her messages, she finds that she has an unread message from someone named Taylor James.

"Hello Dr. Shepherd, my name is Taylor James, Violet Turner's lawyer. As you may know we have a custody trial in action at the moment, and, I heard you were in town, and was wondering if you could possibly be an expert witness for Ms. Turner. Please call me back on the number listed. Thanks."

Amelia frowns, but types in the number and presses 'dial'.

"Hello, James and Jackson legal, this is Taylor."

"Hi Taylor, this is Am- I mean, Dr. Shepherd speaking. I received your message just now." Amelia twirls her hair as she talks.

"Oh, hi Dr. Shepherd. So, I take it that you are interested in being an expert witness for the trial?"

Amelia sighs. "I'm afraid I'll have to decline your offer, my sister-in-law is dating the defendant, so it would possibly be a conflict of interest."

She hopes that this conversation is almost over, as she can see Addison walking down the hall, coffee in hand.

"I understand. Well, the trial starts tomorrow morning at 10:30am sharp, and runs for a few days. Call me if you change your mind."

"Will do. Bye."

She hangs up quickly as Addison approaches the table.

"Hey honey", Addison begins, as she takes a seat at the small table. "Sorry if I interrupted your call - you could've kept talking."

"It's fine", Amelia replies, "It was just a nurse with the results of Kayla's bloodwork."

Addison smiles.

"How is she?"

"She's fine", Amelia replies, fishing a twenty dollar bill out of her purse. "I'm going to grab a salad - is there anything you'd like?"

Addison hands Amelia her credit card. "It's on me, Ames. You're the visitor." Amelia can't help but blush at the woman's kindness. "Thanks, Addie. My shout next time, though." Amelia stands up and walks over to the cafeteria line, getting two salads and two bottles of water. She pays for the food, then walks back to the table, watching Addison as she does so. If she looked great this morning, she looks even better now. She is dressed in a dark purple dress, just fitted enough to show off her amazing figure. _Amazing figure? Where did that come from?! _Amelia shakes her head of the thoughts, and puts the trays down on the table, sitting down across from the red head.

Addison thanks her, and they both eat in silence, until a third party sits down at their table. Sam. Amelia can't help but be a little bit jealous as she watches Addison's face practically light up at the intrusion. This was meant to be _their_ lunch, time to spend just her and Addison. She blushes, feeling a bit childish. _Might as well try to get along with him_, she decides.

"Hey, Sam", She smiles softly. He beams back at her, and turns back to look at the gorgeous red head to his left. "Addison, can I please talk to you for a moment, in private?" He asks, glancing in Amelia's direction. Addison looks at Amelia questioningly, and Amelia stands up, pulling her purse over her shoulder and nodding at the two still sitting down. "I've got some paperwork to catch up on, I'll leave you guys to it." She walks off, not even waiting for a response, as the two seem positively entranced with each other. She stops momentarily to throw her barely touched salad in the bin, and walks out the door.

Amelia really doesn't know why she's so angry at the other woman's actions, because, well, she's not sixteen anymore, she doesn't _need_ all the attention from everyone, she doesn't _need _Addison to only spend time with her. So she really doesn't get why she has this feeling, in the pit of her stomach, like a burning jealousy mixed with rage, and something else that she can't quite place. She guesses that she's mad at Addison for being so damn insecure, and so needy. _She's already dating Pete!_ Amelia thinks angrily. _Why does she need to play around with Sam, too? _In the spur of the moment, she pulls out her phone and dials.

"This is Taylor James."

"Hi Taylor, Dr. Shepherd. I'm in for tomorrow. See you then."


	4. 4

**Thank you so much for your amazing reviews! Please continue ;) It really inspires me to write more.**

**Here's the next chapter, hope you like it!**

Addison was never a nervous person, but she was nervous about the hearing the next day. She looks to her right, seeing Pete asleep in bed next to her. She can hear Lucas' shallow breaths coming from the crib in front of their double bed. She suddenly wishes that she had stayed at her house that night, rather than going to Pete's. Somehow she feels that she would've felt better about everything if she could've talked through it all with Amelia. She feels bad about ditching the girl at lunch earlier that day, especially seeing as Amelia had made the effort to catch up with her. Sitting up, she realises what she needs to do. She walks downstairs quietly, pulling on a jumper and moving to the lounge room sofa. Picking up her phone from the coffee table, she dials Amelia's number and hits 'send'. A groggy voice answers.

"Addie?" Amelia asks softly, sounding as though she has just woken up. Addison smiles at how sleepy the girl sounds.

"Hey Ames. Sorry if I woke you up", She apologises.

"No worries," Amelia replies, and Addison can hear shifting around, and a tap being turned on. "I've been tossing and turning mostly anyway. Let me just get a glass of water and I'm all yours."

She waits about a minute, then Amelia comes back on the line. "Okay, all good. What's up?"

Addison plays with a loose piece of string on the hem of her pyjama pants while she thinks of what to say.

"It's just...well I guess I'm just really nervous about the hearing tomorrow, Ames."

"That's understandable, honey. You love Lucas, and you want what's best for him."

Addison smiles at the response.

"I do. I love him, so much, and I don't want to lose him. I know that Violet is his biological mother, but I'm the one who has been there for him through all of this time. I've been his mother figure, and I feel like Violet shouldn't be able to just waltz back in and claim him now that she's decided that she's ready. Does that make me a terrible person?"

Addison sighs. There is silence for a moment, then Amelia speaks.

"You're not a horrible person, Addison. You just want what's best for Lucas, and that is not a crime, and it doesn't mean that you don't like Violet, you just _love_ Lucas, and you want her to be sure of what she wants before she can possibly hurt him again, and leave him for someone else."

Addison frowns for a moment, feeling as though this conversation is now about something else for Amelia, but doesn't press the issue.

"Thank you. I was just so angry at myself for feeling the way that I do about this." She smiles.

"I know the feeling." She hears Amelia respond, so softly that for a moment she isn't sure whether she actually said a word.

"Anyway", She begins, "Thank you so much for talking me through this. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Anytime."

More silence. She figures it's probably time to let Amelia get back to sleep. "I'd better let you get back to sleep. See you tomorrow?"

"Sure. Night."

The line disconnects. Addison frowns again, wondering why Amelia was suddenly so short with her, but decides that she just must be tired, and shrugs off the thought. She places her phone back on the coffee table, and heads back upstairs to bed. Once she gets there, she places a soft kiss to Lucas' forehead before getting into bed, pulling the covers over her and drifting into an easy sleep.

Addison walks out of the courtroom, having just given her statement to the Judge and jury. She feels tired, and so upset with the way things are turning out. Sure, she wants to keep Lucas, and only wants the best for him, but the whole hearing had turned out to be like an attack against Violet, and that is not what she had wanted at all. She walks into the bathroom, bracing herself on the sink, with her hands gripping the white porcelain. She looks into the mirror, watching her own, tired reflection. She takes a deep breath, trying to find the strength to walk back into that courtroom after the break. Hearing footsteps, she turns to find Amelia standing in the doorway, hands on hips, smiling at her softly. "You look like hell," She mocks, walking toward Addison and hoisting herself so that she is sitting on the bench that holds the sink. "I didn't think you were coming," Addison begins, looking at Amelia questioningly. "Why did you? Come, I mean." Amelia's expression turns blank, and she fiddles with her skirt as she replies. "Just had some business to attend to." They stare at each other for a moment. Amelia glances down at her watch, and hops down from the bench, walking towards the door. "Speaking of which, I gotta go!" Addison watches as she exits, and then follows her out the door, walking back to the courtroom to attend the rest of the hearing.

Amelia hears them arguing, later that night. "She's your friend, Addison. Do something about this." She is downstairs, listening silently as Pete and Addison argue about her presence at the hearing. "Pete, be reasonable about this." She hears Addison plead, and then heavy footsteps down the stairs as Pete walks downstairs. She hears softer footsteps afterwards, presumably Addison's, and quickly opens a magazine as she settles on the couch, hoping to make herself look busy, and like she wasn't listening to the entirety of their argument. Pete is the first to acknowledge her presence. "What are you still doing here?" He asks, gritting his teeth. "Get out. You are no longer welcome here." Amelia glares at him. "This isn't your house, you can't just tell me when to get out." She looks at Addison, hopeful that the redhead will come to her defense. Instead, she says nothing, standing behind Pete, eyes cast downward. "I _can_ tell you that neither I nor Addison want you here right now. So, leave", Pete spits out. "You know what?" Amelia begins angrily, standing up and grabbing her bag from the coffee table, "Fine. You two have fun playing happy families. I'll go somewhere I'm wanted." She storms out, slamming the front door behind her, and walks to the main road to hail a cab; not hearing Addison call out her name.

She stops the meter at the nearest bar she can find, pulling down her skirt and hopping out of the taxi. She thanks the driver, offering a ten dollar bill and telling him to keep the change. She walks in, head held high, confidence sealed by the promise of alcohol inside the building.

Sitting down on the cheap brown bar stool, she orders her signature drink: a vodka tonic, with lime on the side. She also orders a shot of tequila. Go hard or go home, that's always been her mantra. She feels eyes on her, in the form of a scruffy businessman type on the opposite side of the bar. She sips her drink slowly, hoping for company, yet not inviting it openly. The businessman comes over and sits to her right. "Hey." He gives her a once over, appraising her with his eyes. He obviously likes what he sees, because he orders her a drink. "What's a gorgeous girl like you doing over here, all on your own?" She rolls her eyes, downing the drink in two gulps and slamming the glass down on the table. "Just waiting for something to do", She replies with a wink. They continue to talk, meaningless conversation really as they down multiple vodka tonics. His seat seems to move closer to hers as the night goes on, and as the bartender calls for last drinks, his hand moves to her knee as he leans over to whisper in her ear. "What do you say about coming back to mine for something better to do?" He leans back, smiling cockily, and settles their tab, taking her silence as a yes. He places his coat on her shoulders, taking her hand and leading her outside to the taxi rank. She can feel the alcohol in her system; it's been years since she's had this feeling, and she missed it. She allows herself to be led by this man, this stranger, into a taxi, his hands all over her as they kiss in the backseat, and, once they arrive at his house, a humble apartment in the outskirts of LA, she allows herself to be led once more to his bedroom, clothes and inhibitions peeling off as she gives in to the need in his eyes.

This is what she is now. Wanted.


	5. 5

**This is a slightly longer chapter, only slightly though! Reviews/follows make me write more ;)**

**I hope that you guys are enjoying it so far.**

**I sure enjoy writing it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Private Practice.**

Amelia wakes up in a strange bed, next to a guy that she barely remembers from the night before. As she sits up slowly, the sheet over her falls and she realises that she is, in fact, stark naked. She smirks. _So _that's_ what happened last night_.

She stands, her head pounding from the movement. She has a hangover. She remembers drinking what seemed like endless vodka tonics the night before, so it's unsurprising. She rubs her temple with the palm of her hand, looking around to see where her clothing landed last night.

She finds her skirt and tank top, pulling them on and searching for her turquoise blazer. She finds it on the edge of the doorway, and puts it on, checking herself in the mirror. She doesn't actually look too bad, just like she hasn't sleep in a few days. She picks up her bag from the floor and takes out some concealer and mascara, applying the makeup quickly.

She glances at her phone. 10:15am, and she has three missed calls and two messages from Addison. She sighs, locking her phone and throwing back into her purse. She will check it later; she can't be bothered dealing with any of that drama right now. She's lucky she doesn't have any patients that day, just a consult at St. Ambrose at 12. Otherwise she would be screwed. She hopes that she will be able to get in and out of the hospital fairly unseen, and hopes that Addison doesn't have any surgeries scheduled there for the rest of the day. After what happened yesterday, she really doesn't feel like she can face her, for a little while at least.

She walks out the door, noticing that the guy she was with...Jamie, or something along those lines, is still fast asleep. She doesn't bother leaving a note; she won't be seeing him again. That's how this thing works. Walking down the stairs, she wonders how she even got here. She can't even remember. Taxi, perhaps? She decides to use the maps on her phone to find out where the nearest main road is, and hail a taxi from there. Once she gets to the main road, a taxi comes soon after, and she is on her way to the hospital.

She arrives at St. Ambrose around 11:30am, and power walks through the corridors to the Neurology wing. She is walking so fast, so focused on getting to her destination, that she doesn't notice a petite blonde heading in her direction. With a loud _bam!_ she walks into the blonde and knocks them both to the ground; the paperwork the blonde was carrying flying everywhere.

"Watch where you're walkin'!"

Amelia looks up and realises that she has collided into the Chief of Staff at St. Ambrose: Dr. Charlotte King. Out of all the people she could've run into, apart from possibly Addison, Charlotte King was the worst. Sure, the woman had given her surgical privileges at the hospital when she didn't have to, but Amelia had heard some pretty bad stories about Dr. King - otherwise known as the _Wicked Witch of St. Ambrose_, and they sure didn't do much to deter her bad reputation. She looks down nervously, preparing herself for the worst, but when Charlotte looks up and sees that it's Amelia that has run into her, the anger on her features seems to soften.

"Oh, hi there Dr. Shepherd. Didn't realise it was you. Thought it might've been one of my dumbass interns", Charlotte smiles.

Amelia helps her pick up the paperwork that has scattered around them on the floor. "Thanks," the blonde says as she stands up slowly.

"No problem," Amelia replies, picking up the last of the papers and also standing up.

"So, you here for that consult in room 403?" Charlotte enquires, shuffling through her papers and finding a chart. Amelia nods in response, giving a soft smile. She smooths her brown hair and hopes to God that she doesn't look like she has spent most of the night drinking and sleeping with a stranger. That would _not_ be a good look for her, seeing as this consult seems to be with Charlotte King herself. Charlotte hands her the chart, and turns in the direction that Amelia was walking before they ran into each other.

"Great. We can head down there now, if you're ready. I was on my way to find you when we had this, er, collision." They both chuckle at the comment, and walk down the corridor to the consult.

After the consult, Amelia finds herself walking with Charlotte towards the cafeteria. She desperately needs a coffee, and something greasy, and wonders why the other woman is walking with her still. Charlotte follows her into line, and they both place their orders and walk to the next counter. Amelia hands Charlotte her skinny latte, and takes her own Cappuccino and fries, and they walk over to a table close by and sit down. Charlotte looks around, and seems to realise that she's essentially followed Amelia to this spot. She begins to stand.

"Er...Sorry, Dr. Shepherd. I didn't mean to follow you here, I just wanted a coffee. I'll be goin' now."

Amelia places her hand on the blonde's arm, pulling her gently back down into her chair. "It's fine, Dr. King. I don't mind the company. And please, call me Amelia."

Charlotte smiles tentatively. "Okay, Amelia. But please call _me_ Charlotte. Dr. King makes me sound so old." She reaches over and takes one of Amelia's fries, dipping it into the ketchup packet that Amelia had taken from the cutlery table. "Although," the blonde adds, "It _is_ probably better than most of the other names that I am called around here." Charlotte winks. Amelia laughs genuinely at this, pushing the fries to the middle of the table and taking a sip of her coffee.

They both sit there for about an hour, talking and laughing, eating Amelia's fries, and it isn't until Amelia feels her phone vibrate next to her foot that she picks up her purse and takes it out. Another message from Addison, and she still hadn't checked the messages from earlier that day, and the night before. She frowns, unlocking her phone and looking at the most recent message hesitantly.

_Hey Ames, I'm really worried about you. Please come back home tonight, I think we should talk about things. Love you. Addison x_

Amelia flips through the other two messages.

_1: Where are you? I have told Pete that this is my house and you are welcome. I am upset about what happened at the hearing, but I know you were only doing your job. Please let me know you're okay. x_

_2: Amelia, where the hell have you gone? It's 2am and you haven't even bothered to pick up my calls. This is not okay._

She shakes her head in annoyance, locking her phone once more and throwing it back into her purse haphazardly. Looking up, she realises that Charlotte has been watching the whole time she was looking at her messages.

"Amelia, are you alright?" Charlotte asks, worried.

Amelia shrugs in response. "I really don't know, to be honest. It's basically Addison just checking up on me, but things weren't really that great after what happened at the hearing yesterday."

Charlotte frowns. "You were just doing your job! They asked for an expert witness, and you gave them one. Nothin' to feel guilty about."

She smiles. "Thanks, Charlotte. It feels nice to have someone on my side for once. It's been a while."

The blonde smiles in return. "I think they call this some weird word... friendship or somethin'?" They laugh. "Seriously though, Amelia. I know we didn't get off on the best foot, but I do feel like we could be friends. If you wanted to be, that is."

Amelia nods excitedly. "Of course! Oh my god, wait until I tell everyone that _I'm _friends with Cruella!"

Charlotte swats at her playfully. Laughing hysterically, they both gather their things and walk out to the carpark.

"Do you want a lift to the Practice?" Charlotte offers, as it is about 3pm, and neither of them have any other work left at the hospital for the afternoon. Amelia hesitates, knowing full well that Addison will probably be there, but accepts anyway. _To hell with it_, she thinks. _I'm not going to worry about what Addison thinks. She's probably just worried about me still, or something. Nothing to get in knots about._ They get into Charlotte's car and head to the Practice.

In the Practice, Addison sits at her desk, tapping her pen against her planner. She hadn't been able to stop worrying about Amelia since she left the house last night, and was feeling annoyed as well that the younger girl hadn't answered any of her messages. It was really unlike her - usually Amelia was the first person to reply to a message, especially if it was from Addison. This was just weird.

Addison looks at the clock: 3:30pm. She sighs, realising that she has not done barely any work at all that day - apart from a delivery that morning, she has sat at her desk, thinking about the brunette, and wondering what was wrong, and whether she was okay. She can't help but feel partially responsible for Amelia walking out the night before, and the guilt was beginning to eat at her; hell, it had been eating at her since the girl stormed out the front door. She knows that she should have spoken to Pete sooner, calmed him down. Told him that Amelia was like her sister, and that she could stay as long as she needed to. But, truth be told, she was a little bit angry at the fact that Amelia had been part of Violet's legal strategy. She wonders how it all occurred, as it's not as though she had been in town for very long.

Shrugging it off, she places her arms on the desk, laying her head down upon them and closing her eyes. She was _so_ over this day.

A few moments later, hearing the the 'ding' of lift and the doors open, Addison lifts her head and looks to the direction of the noise. She sees none other than Amelia and _Charlotte King_ walking out the lift doors, and into the Practice. The redhead cannot believe her eyes. Since when were Amelia and Charlotte friends? And how did they even know each other, apart from their brief meeting before Kayla was brought out of her coma? Addison is utterly confused, and makes a move to stand. She notices Amelia saying something quietly to Charlotte. Charlotte nods, and makes her way to her own office, Amelia standing in the foyer still, looking down. Amelia then shifts her position, stands up straight, and walks into Addison's office. Addison sits back in her chair, looking at the younger girl expectantly. The brunette stands in the doorway, twisting her fingers nervously.

"Come in."


	6. 6

**I'm really trying to work on character progression this chapter, and the new friendship between Amelia and Charlotte. Note that I haven't seen past the end of Season 3 yet! My season 4 DVD is in a bag that's being shipped to me from another state, so hopefully it arrives soon.**

**Also, please review! I don't know if anyone is really reading this... might wait for a few more reviews before the next chapter ;) Enjoy!**

Amelia walks into the Practice with Charlotte, noticing that Addison is in her office, looking in their direction with a confused expression.

"I'd better go see Addison" She begins. "Not that I'm entirely looking forward to it." Charlotte smirks, then nods, walking in the direction of her own office.

Amelia sighs, and tenses up her body as she walks toward Addison's office, stopping in the doorway. She twists her fingers nervously, wondering just what the redhead will say. "Come in", Addison invites, her expression still one of confusion.

Amelia walks in slowly and sits down in one of the chairs that face Addison's desk. Her head faces down. Addison begins the conversation.

"Where the hell were you last night?" Her features turn to anger for a moment. "I was so worried about you, after you just walked out. You didn't think that I was worth a call, or even a message?"

Amelia clears her throat. "Look, I-I'm sorry, alright? I didn't feel like you really cared where I was going."

"Of course I cared", Addison says softly.

"That's not really the impression that I was given last night," Amelia retorts. "As I recall, Pete told me, on behalf of you both, that I had to get out."

Addison huffs. "Well, do you _really_ blame us, Amelia? You basically betrayed us. Lucas is part of my family now, and you gave Violet a real shot at getting him back; taking him away from us."

"Nice to know that you care more about your new family than you do about your old one," Amelia spits out angrily, standing up and walking towards the door. "I had fun last night, a _way_ better time than I would've had if I had stayed and been bitched at all night - and I don't regret _any_ of it!" She walks out, slamming the glass door behind her. The door makes a loud noise, and she can feel the eyes of the Practice on her. Holding her head up high, she strides down the hallway, and into Charlotte's office.

Amelia knocks on Charlotte's door, smiling softly as the blonde looks up in surprise.

"Hey," She welcomes. "Come on in."

Amelia opens the door and walks into the office, closing the door softly behind her. She stands still for a moment, looking down at her shoes. The blonde can obviously feel the tension within her body language, and stands up herself, walking over to the brunette. "What's wrong, Shepherd?" She asks, motioning for Amelia to sit down on the black leather couch to their left.

Amelia sits down, and Charlotte follows suit. Amelia is still silent.

"Come on," Charlotte encourages, turning so that her body faces Amelia's. "Just spit it out. What happened?"

Amelia sighs, then begins to explain.

"I...uh, I went to speak to Addison about what happened last night," She begins.

She feels herself becoming more angry as she remembers what happened with the redhead. "She basically told me that I shouldn't blame her and Pete for wanting me out, because I was Violet's expert witness for the hearing."

Charlotte scoffs. "Are you freakin' kiddin' me?" She laughs. "You were called in as an expert witness. You weren't takin' any sides!"

Amelia nods. "She said that I betrayed them!" She adds, watching as Charlotte shakes her head in annoyance.

"That is ridiculous," the blonde says incredulously. "Seriously though, Amelia, don't worry about it. I know she's your ex sister-in-law or whatever, but if she's going to treat you like this because of somethin' small and stupid, you should ignore her."

Amelia shrugs, and realises that the anger is manifesting into tears now that threaten to spill. She is upset. Upset because her so called 'sister' is angry at her, upset because she was only doing what she thought was the right thing, upset because as usual, she screwed up. She screwed up, and hurt someone that she truly cares about. _Story of my life_, she thinks, shaking her head. Charlotte looks at her, confused.

"It's not that easy," Amelia replies. "I just feel horrible that I've hurt her."

Charlotte sighs and nods, placing a hand on Amelia's knee tentatively.

"Well," She begins. "All you can do now is just give her a bit of space. If I know Addison, I think she'll come 'round."

Amelia shrugs again.

"If you're worried about going back to her place...that's where you're stayin', right?" Charlotte asks.

She nods in response.

"Well, I have a spare room at my place, and you're welcome to stay tonight, or until Montgomery gets the stick outta her butt."

Amelia giggles softly, and Charlotte joins her.

"Thanks," Amelia says gratefully.

The two of them sit there in silence for a while, until they both need to get back to work.

Meanwhile, Addison sits in her office, still reeling from the conversation that has just been had between her and Amelia. She doesn't know what she could've said. She was being honest, wasn't she? Well, to be honest, she was finding it hard balancing the two sides of her life at the moment; those two sides being her present (Pete and Lucas), and her past (Amelia). Although Amelia was, and always will be a part of her, like family, Pete and Lucas were her present, and possibly her future. She _really_ doesn't want to jeopardise that, especially as she won't be able to have a child of her own, and she had formed such a special bond with little Lucas in the short time that her and Pete had been together. And, of course, she loved Pete. Or, at least, she thinks she does.

Sure she was annoyed with Amelia, and felt a bit betrayed by what she had done, but she really felt guilty for letting her leave last night. Knowing her past, and everything that occurred all those years ago, how could Addison have let her just walk out like that? Who knows what she had gotten up to once she had left the beach house. _She wouldn't be using_, Addison reassured herself. _She looked fine today_.

Addison frowns, remembering the past, when she was with Derek, and the many times she had found Amelia in the midst of a high. Or worse, afterwards.

Not much scared Addison usually, but seeing Amelia like that had really shaken her, every single time. She remembers it well, the way that the younger girl would look when she was using; bloodshot eyes, stringy hair, perpetually cold. In comparison, the brunette had looked great this afternoon. She nods, reassuring herself once more that there would be _no way_ that Amelia could be using again. She was too smart for that. Too smart for any kind of relapse.

She would never let that happen again, anyway. She cares too much about the younger girl. This girl is her sister, her friend. There had been a time when the two of them had been practically inseparable. She can't risk that. She won't.

Addison decides that she will give Amelia some space. Then, she will apologise, and hopefully things can get back to normal.

After a long day at the hospital and Practice, Amelia is grateful when the time comes to go back to Charlotte's place. As they get out of the car and walk towards the house, they joke with each other.

"I'm lucky you're here," Charlotte smirks. "Usually I leave around 10pm, most nights." "Crazy workaholic!" Amelia exclaims, nudging her with her shoulder as they walk up the steps to a burgundy front door. Charlotte flips through her keychain until she finds the key she is looking for, then places it in the lock and turns. The door opens, and both women walk in slowly. Amelia looks around, taking in her surroundings.

Charlotte's house is no where near as grand as Addison's - not by far - but it does have a unique sort of charm about it. _A bit of Charlotte_, Amelia decides. The place is pretty messy, but she assumes that this is what things get to be like when you're a sexologist at a well known clinic, as well as the chief of staff at a state-of-the-art hospital.

It's not dirty, there are just clothes strewn on the couch, and magazines piled up on the coffee table in no particular sense. Empty coffee cups line the sink, and she doesn't even have to open up the pantry to know that it would be empty also.

"Sorry about the mess," Charlotte apologises, gesturing to the state of the lounge and kitchen. "I don't really have anyone over that much."

The way that she says this makes Amelia realise that Charlotte really doesn't have that many friends.

Of course she had heard stories about the blonde since she'd arrived in LA, but she didn't really think that the woman was as bad as she'd been told. She was right in that respect, but wrong in that she hadn't noticed that the other people at the practice, or at the hospital, barely spared Charlotte a second glance, other than to call her names behind her back or bitch about her and things that she had done. She shakes her head, pissed off at just how childish people could be.

_Oh well_, she thinks. _I'll be her friend, then._ Her and Charlotte fit together as friends. Like two pieces of a puzzle. Pissing off the others would just be a bonus.

They sit in the lounge room for hours, listening to 80's rock and having martinis.

Charlotte never asks whether Amelia actually would like a martini, just makes and pours the drink, and Amelia accepts gratefully.

Amelia sits on the red couch, and Charlotte sits on a wooden chair next to the coffee table. Half way through their third, Charlotte speaks.

"So how long are you plannin' on stayin' in LA?" She asks, stirring her martini with a toothpick. Amelia ponders this for a moment, then replies.

"Not sure. I guess it depends on whether I can find a job here or not."

"Well, it might help if you got on the good side of a certain chief of staff," Charlotte smirks, throwing her a wink.

Amelia winks back, then realises that Charlotte might think that she is only becoming her friend to get a job. Which she's not.

"I just want to make something clear, Charlotte," She begins. Charlotte nods, moving so that she is sitting indian style on the couch next to her. "I'm not just hanging out with you so that I can get a job."

Charlotte smiles. "I knew that," She teases, nudging Amelia with her foot. "I was just sayin'.. if you get on my good side, maybe I could get you permanent surgical privileges or somethin'.. and maybe you could join the practice!"

Both women smile at the prospect.

"I can definitely see myself staying here," Amelia says thoughtfully, finishing her drink.

"I hope that you do," Charlotte admits. "It's nice having one friend here."

"Especially one who's as kickass as me!" Amelia winks, and they both laugh. "In all seriousness, though, I am glad that we're friends."

Charlotte smiles, and they both sit in silence for a moment before the blonde speaks.

"Me too."


	7. 7

**Hey there! It's been a while! I went away for Easter, and then had a bit of writer's block, but I'm all good now (for the most part). Where are you, reviewers? Do you exist? I know this really isn't a popular pairing, but it's not just a story about that particular relationships, just so you know :) I see there are a lot of views, so come out of the woodwork, guys!**

**Note that some of the dialogue in this chapter is from the show itself, ep 3x22. The rest is all from my imagination!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Private practice (unfortunately).**

When Amelia wakes up the next morning she has no idea where she is; she's fully clothed, and there is a small blonde lying next to her on the soft navy carpet. She attempts to sit up, wincing at a stab of pain in her lower back as she does feels movement next to her: Charlotte sits up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands and smiling groggily. "So I guess sleeping on the floor is _not_ such a great idea after all?" Charlotte jokes.

The blonde slowly stands up and walks to the kitchen.

"Want some coffee?"

Amelia adjusts her shirt, pulling it over her midriff as she lies back on the floor.

"Definitely," She responds. "Please."

She stares at the faded cracks in the eggshell white ceiling, counting them softly, under her breath. She gets to fifty-nine before Charlotte pads back into the living room softly, handing her a red mug and sitting down beside her. Amelia places the mug carefully on the carpet and shifts so that she is sitting up once more. She smiles at her friend gratefully as she picks up the mug and clasps it in her hands.

"Thank you" She begins.

"For what?" Charlotte asks, seemingly puzzled.

The brunette pulls her knees up to her chin, still clasping the coffee, and takes a sip of the warm liquid before answering.

"For this. Letting me stay here, even though we barely met. All of this." She can't seem to find the words to express what she means. She sighs, continuing. "Not many people let me in with no strings. My brother, for example, and my sisters... my whole family really. When they helped me, they all expected something from me that I couldn't give them. I mean, Addison's different, she's -" Amelia pauses, licks her lips. Frowns softly. Takes another sip. "I mean, what I'm trying to say, somehow, is thank you for this. For being a friend."

Charlotte smiles, and Amelia thinks she can see a hint of a blush beginning on the blonde's delicate features, and this in turn makes her smile warmly.

"Don't need to thank me at all" Charlotte replies. "But," she adds, noting the brunette's expression, "You're most certainly welcome."

They sit in silence for a moment before Charlotte checks her phone, which has been lying on the cedar coffee table all night, untouched.

"It's 7:45am," She begins anxiously. "I'm usually at work by eight. Shit."

The blonde stands up and places her still half full coffee cup onto the table and pulling her hair from the terry cloth headband that she had put it in the night before.

"I'm gonna quickly have a shower, then your turn. If we rush, we might just make it in to the Practice by eight thirty."

Amelia nods and watches as the shorter woman power walks into the bathroom, shutting the door with a click. She sighs, shifting and laying her head back against the coffee table and closing her eyes for a moment. It felt so strange to be in Los Angeles, for god knows how long, doing god knows what. She didn't even have a real job there yet, just whatever consultations and surgeries Charlotte and the others at Oceanside were willing to throw her way. She knew that the others at the Practice still hadn't really accepted her yet. Well, it had only really been about a week and a half, she didn't expect them to be fawning over her already. She wasn't even truly part of the practice yet anyway. She knew that they had been the same way with Addison when she first started at Oceanside, so she wasn't too worried about it. _I just need to figure out what I'm doing here_, she thinks to herself. _Then things should hopefully fall into place_.

Five minutes later, and Charlotte walks out of the bathroom with a purple towel around her small frame, her short blond hair dry and styled.

"Bathroom's all yours!" Charlotte calls out as she walks into her bedroom to get dressed. "You shower fast," Amelia notes, walking in to the bathroom and beginning to shed her clothes, turning the shower on.

"You fell asleep, snoozy!" She hears Charlotte yell back, and she closes the bathroom door. Naked, she steps into the shower and lets the warm water envelop her.

It's just on 9am when Charlotte and Amelia arrive at Oceanside.

"I'll see if we need any help at St. Ambrose in neuro today," Charlotte says as they walk into the elevator. The blonde presses the button for the fifth floor, and the elevator starts to move.

"You don't have to do that, you know" Amelia responds.

She doesn't want Charlotte to pull all of these strings for her when she doesn't feel like she deserves it, not at all.

"I know I don't" Charlotte nods, placing a hand gently on Amelia's shoulder. "But I want to." Amelia smiles at this, and her own hand covers Charlotte's. They smile at each other, and Amelia is about to speak once more, but the elevator doors open to reveal Addison, tapping her shoe impatiently against the linoleum floor. She is accompanied by Sam. _Ugh_, Amelia groans inwardly. _Not those two again_. Addison looks up at the two women strangely, and both Charlotte and Amelia realise that they are still technically holding hands, and they drop their arms quickly, Amelia pushing a rebel lock of hair behind her ear nervously.

"Charlotte," Addison nods. "Amelia."

She seems anxious, and doesn't look either of them in the eye and she greets them. Sam smiles at them, and Amelia and Charlotte smile politely in return, walking out of the elevator and letting the other two in.

"See you two later!" He calls out as the doors shut.

Amelia and Charlotte look at each other, still frozen in the hallway of the practice.

"Well, that was awkward," Charlotte mutters, and a smirk forms on her lips.

"Definitely" Amelia agrees, also smirking.

They stop at the front desk to check Charlotte's messages, then walk together into Charlotte's office.

Amelia sits in Charlotte's office for most of the morning, chatting and watching as Charlotte does paperwork for the practice, and for the hospital. She's sure she actually fell asleep on the red couch in the blonde's office at point, even though she can't remember doing so, as she opens her eyes to find that it's an hour later, and the office is empty. Charlotte's coat is missing from the hook upon the door, so Amelia assumes that she went to St. Ambrose. Sitting up, she attempts to smooth out her hair and clothing, wanting to look at least presentable for when Charlotte gets back. There's a light knock on the door, and she looks up. From her current position it's hard to see who is there, but she calls out "Come in!" anyway.

As the door opens, she suddenly realises that it could be Addison. She really can't face her right now - not yet, anyway. Her palms start to sweat, and she shifts once more so that she is sitting up straight. The door opens fully to reveal Violet, smiling softly as she walks into the room.

"Hi," She greets, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hey," Amelia replies. "Sit down."

She gestures to the couch. Violet walks into the office and sits down on the couch next to her. Amelia smiles at the woman. She doesn't know Violet very well at all, other than what she has heard from Addison and Charlotte, or from Pete and Addison arguing about the custody case. She knows that Pete won full custody of Lucas, and she can't imagine how Violet must be feeling. Even though Pete wasn't exactly the woman's biggest fan, she knew that Addison and Violet were sort of friends, and she didn't have anything against her personally. Amelia had always been one to not judge people until they gave her a reason to.

"Sorry for just coming in here like this" Violet apologises.

Amelia notices that Violet still looks nervous, so she grins reassuringly.

"It's fine!" She reassures her. "I was just having a bit of an, um, unexpected nap."

They both laugh at this, and Amelia blushes softly.

"Well, I was wondering if you could come do a consult for one off my patients," Violet began. "She used to be...well I guess "horrible" is the best way to describe her. She didn't have a happy bone in her body. But now she seems like a completely different person, and acting in a way that worries her husband, and me. It's a complete change in character, in a fairly quick timeframe. I thought it would be safe to get in a neuro consult."

Amelia nods.

"I was going to just call Charlotte, but then I remembered that you were here" She continues, shrugging. "And here we are!"

Violet clasps her hands in her lap, looking at Amelia expectantly.

"Well I'm your man!" Amelia smirks. "Or _wo_man as the case may be. Where is she?"

The older woman smiles in response.

"Over in my office. I told her we'd have a quick consult now, and then go to St. Ambrose if that's alright."

Amelia nods, and both women stand up and walk out of Charlotte's office.

Amelia and Violet sit in one of the scanning rooms at St. Ambrose; the only sounds being that of the MRI machine. As she watches the computer, the images, Amelia can feel the older woman's eyes on her, expectant and anxious.

"She says she feels God, and it changed her" Violet says.

"Just like that? She changed?" Amelia asks.

"Just like that."

Amelia sighs, resting her head on her hand.

"People don't change."

Violet looks at her incredulously. "Of course they do."

Amelia continues her point. "They modify. They adjust. But underneath, we are who we are."

"That's not true," Violet scoffs. "I know it's not true."

Amelia can sense that she might have said something wrong here.

"My entire career is based on helping people become who they can be." Violet nods to herself. "People do change, I've seen it."

Amelia stares at the images on the computer screen thoughtfully for a moment before responding. "People just get better at covering up their flaws."

Violet looks at her as though she can tell that Amelia wasn't just talking about Claire. Amelia shifts her attention to the computer once more, and spots what looks like a brain tumour. She points.

"_That_ is Claire's God."

She explains the situation to Claire and her husband, Violet sitting in with them. As some form of mediation, she supposes. Amelia can now sort of understand what Charlotte finds so annoying about the woman, but she still wants to give her more than a day before making any judgements. She walks around the room, watching as the total denial settles in on their faces. Violet helps her out, offering more of an explanation to the patients. She shoots her a grateful smile as she sits back down on the couch.

"You're wrong" Claire denies. "They are real. I can feel it."

As Claire continues, Amelia fights the urge to interrupt. This woman is increasingly becoming more annoying by the minute, and if she weren't trying to help Violet with this case, if she weren't trying to cement her future in this place, she would simply either argue her point, or walk out right now. Clasping her hands to ground herself, she waits for a break in which she can intervene. Claire stops talking, and her chance is here.

"It's a slow-growing tumour" Amelia explains, feeling as though she is repeating herself. "With surgery, your chance of recovery is excellent. But without it.."

She pauses, looking over at Violet, who shrugs. The husband looks worried, and asks her if the tumour is going to kill Claire. They both look at her expectantly. She nods, pursing her lips.

"Without the surgery, you will die."

She listens to Claire talk about God and God's plan and how it's right for her to die because it was 'His plan', and she can't stand it. It's not that she doesn't believe in some form of higher power, but she also believes in science, in _medicine_, and can't believe that some people can lose all rationality when it comes to religion. She looks over at Violet once more, and the older woman just looks back at her sadly. _This is it_, Amelia thinks. _She's choosing to die._

Addison was not having the best of days. She hadn't had a break all day, her current case was giving her a headache, and to make matters worse, Amelia and Charlotte seemed to have become best friends practically overnight. She knew that Amelia had been staying at the blonde's house since...well since the 'disagreement', as she liked to call it, but she never realised that the two actually got along, or that they had become so close in such a short amount of time. _Why am I so annoyed by this?_ She thinks to herself as she prepares to scrub in for surgery.

Scrubbing her arms lightly, she bites her lip in annoyance. Addison wonders whether the Amelia has told Charlotte about what they had said to each other in her office the day after the hearing. She probably had, and this annoys Addison to no end. Deep in thought, she almost walks into someone on her way into the OR.

"Woah, there!" She hears a voice and looks up to see Sam in front of her, looking at her in curiosity. "Penny for your thoughts?"

She offers a faint smile, and continues to walk into the OR, Sam close behind her.

It was bad enough seeing him at work every day, but now, here, in this operating room? Side by side? It was hell. It was too hard to stand there, so close, and continue to try to block out all the feelings and thoughts that rushed through her head at the pure sight of him. It was easier to try and ignore him, to try to be acquaintances, than it was to admit that she still had feelings for the man. He was her best friend's ex-husband. It was wrong. And, even if he wasn't, she was with Pete. She _loves_ Pete.

She remembers last night, when Sam had told her that Pete had won. Won her. Had he, though? Addison sighs, watching as Kim Walters is brought into the room. This was all too hard. She attempts to focus on the issue at hand: the surgery.

Everything else would just have to wait.


	8. 8

**Hello, lovelies!**

**Please read, enjoy, and review! Thanks!**

**Note that there is still some dialogue taken directly from the show as needed; the rest is from my own imagination :-)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Private Practice (I wish).**

Amelia stands as Claire and Irwin leave Violet's office. She looks out into the hallway to check that they are out of earshot before speaking.

"What the hell was that?" She exclaims, following Violet as she moves to sit down at her desk. "That woman is out of her freaking mind."

"She's rational and oriented," Violet counters, calmly. "There's no evidence of delusional thinking. She's entirely capable of making decisions about her own treatments, so-"

"She can't decide," Amelia interrupts. "She thinks she has a personal pipeline to God." She shakes her head incredulously. How does Violet not understand how serious this whole situation is? She needs to get through to her, and Claire, before it's too late.

Violet stands, telling her about how miserable Claire was before the tumour, and how the treatment would bring all of that pain back. Amelia grimaces. She knows pain. God, does she ever. She knows pain like the back of her hand. Blindfold her and she could draw a map of it for you, probably with her hands also tied behind her back. As much as she gets that this woman doesn't want to be that way again, in that _pain_ again, there has to be a time when you get realistic, accept your circumstances, and do what's best for your health, first. Not that she's entirely taken her own advice lately, but she's _trying_. Claire is just willing to sit back and follow through with God's plan, just so she won't be in pain again. It's the easy way out, and Amelia knows it - she's sure that Violet knows it too. Claire must know it also, deep down.

As they continue to discuss it, Amelia realises that she's not getting through to anyone.

"If God is not gonna do his job, I guess i'll have to do it for him," She concludes, walking out of the office.

She intercepts Claire as she and Irwin leave the waiting room.

"You can't leave." She walks towards them, heart thumping. They need to listen to her. It's Claire's last chance. It's her only chance.

"What - I've made my decision," Claire looks at Amelia in annoyance. "Irwin and I are going home."

"But you-"

"Please, don't try to convince me. I'm happy, I'm finally happy and I don't wanna go back."

"Look, I understand how you feel."

"No," Claire shakes her head. "You couldn't possibly."

"My," Amelia begins softly, taking a deep breath before continuing. "My father was murdered. My brother and I were there when it happened. I was just a kid at the time. Yeah. But the bottom fell out, of my whole world. I was-" She hesitates, trying to find the right words to explain just how far she had fallen at that point of her life.

"There was a dark place and I was in it. Until one day, this friend gave me a pill and I took it, and all of a sudden I felt okay. Better than okay." She can feel herself beginning to tremble now, hands getting clammy, and finding it hard to swallow.

She continues.

"I felt good. And so I kept taking them and I felt...great. And when people would try to get me to stop, and tell me that it wasn't real, I would just laugh. Because it was real. How I felt it was better. It was better than being miserable. But it almost killed me."

She looks into Claire's eyes, and she can see a glimmer of understanding, a tiny feeling that she may finally be getting through to this woman.

"I was dead for three minutes," She continues once more, "And let me tell you, when you are lying on a stretcher, gasping for what you think are your last breaths you don't think that dying happy is better than living sad. Dying sucks. It hurts, in a way I can't describe to you. And no, I don't believe that people can change. I don't believe that you'll change, but maybe I'm wrong. And hell, maybe you will wake up from that surgery and you will be happy. But if you are dead, if you are rotting in the ground from some tumour that ate your brain, you don't get a chance to find that out." She feels tears stinging her eyes, and she notices Claire casting her eyes downward as she finishes.

"And one more thing and then I will go, I'm-" She shakes her head vigourously. "I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in God. But if I did? I wouldn't believe in a God that wanted you to die the horrible, painful death that you will experience from a giant tumour that will take away your ability to speak and see, and go to the bathroom, and breathe on your own. That can't be God."

Claire shakes her head, and agrees to the surgery. Amelia looks down for a moment, and smiles softly. She shows them to the reception area, and they begin preparations for the surgery later that day.

Addison operates on Kim, acutely aware of Sam's presence across from her.

Focus, she thinks to herself, desperately trying to focus. It doesn't help when he pulls her closer in, for the surgery, of course, but all she can smell is him, all she can think of is him and his lips, and why can't she stop staring at his lips and oh god - "There we go," he says, happily. She looks up quickly, shaking her head once more and trying to focus, for the umpteeth time.

She must have said something herself before he spoke, but if she did, she can't remember, at all. It's as though there is something about him that sucks the smart, OB-GYN, neonatal surgeon part of her brain out and leaves Addison, the lovesick fool. How old was she, sixteen? She was far too old to be getting all giddy like this around a boy. A _man_, she mentally corrects herself. And she was a _woman_. Not a girl.

She thought that she had grown up in the past few years in LA; that she had matured. That she was past this, this kind of behaviour. Well, obviously not. She closes her eyes for a moment, and attempts to clear her mind. Smiling, she looks back at Kim, lying on the operating table, and continues with the surgery.

After the surgery, she scrubs out with Sam. It's fun, and it's easy, being around him. She feels happy, for a moment. Until he reminds her that they are friends. Only friends. And they will never be anything more than that. She feels her heart sink, and her smile fades. Sighing, she dries her hands and watches him leave the room.

When Kim is awake, she goes in to see how she's doing. The whole case still freaks her out a bit, but Kim is the victim here, and she needs to know that the girl will be okay, eventually. At least one of them has to be.

Kim seems okay, well, as okay as she can be in her current state of mind. She talks about her real parents, cartoons, what she can remember of them anyway. As Kim begins to describe the love she has for her 'father', the impostor, the captor, Addison sighs thoughtfully. How can she still love someone who had hurt her that much? This man had abducted Kim, had taken her away from a loving, real family, and created something fake, and wrong. But, she reasons with herself, this 'family' was all that Kim had ever known, so it was actually 'real' to her. "Sometimes people confuse other things with love. Like not wanting to be lonely, or afraid, or hurt." She doesn't think that Kim really hears her, but it's okay, because she's also saying it for herself. And she hopes that _she_ can hear it.

Amelia walks with Violet to visit Claire after the surgery, which, unsuprisingly, went quite well. Both were unsure of how the woman would be now; would she be her old self again? Or had 'God' really changed her? They can hear Claire yelling from her room as they get closer. Amelia's stomach flips. She was hoping that after being 'happy' for a while, the woman might have been able to start embracing life, and being more positive. She was definitely wrong. Nervously, Amelia and Violet walk into the room, passing Irwin, who apologises as he leaves.

He can't do this anymore.

Amelia understands.

"You lied to me, you bitch," Claire calls out angrily. "You pushed me to do this. Now I have nothing. Nothing. You should've let me die happy."

Amelia feels tears in her eyes once more, and, not speaking, she turns on her heel and walks out. Violet calls out after her as she leaves, but she ignores the woman and keeps power walking out of there. She heads aimlessly in the halls of the hospital, walking fast and not looking at any of the passersby. People must be staring at her by now; she's crying quietly, black tears are streaming down her face, mixed with the cheap mascara that she bought from a convenience store on the way to Charlotte's the night before.

She's also sure that her hair is somewhat a mess, as she has been gripping it tightly as she wanders the halls of the main building. She needs _something_ to hold on to. She doesn't even know why she's crying, or what she's doing, she just knows that she needs to get out of there. Stopping in what she guesses to be the radiology department, she looks around warily, realising that she has absolutely no idea where Charlotte's office is. This makes the tears come faster and in more volume, tiny sobs escaping from her throat. She knows that she needs to find someplace to hide, at least until she stops crying and can clean herself up properly without bursting into tears again. All she can think of right then, at that very moment is that she needs something to numb this, whatever this is. But she is also reasonable enough at that moment to know that what she wants right now is something that she can't have. She finds an empty on call room, and slips into it quietly, curling up on the cot in the fetal position.

_Charlotte's on a date tonight_, She remembers. With Sheldon. There's no use going to find her, or going back to Charlotte's house for that matter. Addison is in the hospital, she knows, but things between the two of them are still shaky at best, and she doesn't know if she could deal with trying to fix things while she's feeling this way as well. She doesn't really know how things got this way, with Addison. Hopefully they can get back to normal, and soon. She thinks about trying to call her; she knows that Addison would come running, comfort her. But she just can't. She doesn't even know what to do right now. She decides to just lie there, stuck in a cycle of old thoughts that she thought she had long ago rid herself of for good. Shaking, she somehow manages to fall asleep, and stays that way until a couple of hours later, when her cell phone rings, and it's Charlotte, barking into the phone, telling her that there's an emergency and they need her help, now.

As Addison and Sam walk down the hallways of St. Ambrose together, Addison's phone rings.

It's Dell.

Maya is in labour.

She can't believe that the time is finally here. She watches Sam's face as he digests the news, and she feels a small pang of jealousy. Why was she jealous, though? Was it because Maya was having a baby, and she couldn't? She feels petty about even letting the thought into her mind, but once she starts thinking about it she knows that it's the truth. She is jealous that Maya can have a child, that she is about to be having a child, and as much as Addison has tried, she can't. Maya is a child herself, about to bring a child into this world, and Addison, who is a grown woman, may never have the chance do the same herself.

She tells Dell to drive safely, and hangs up. Addison gives Sam a congratulatory hug, once which lasts a moment too long, and their faces are in close, and it seems as if they might kiss. But they don't, and they both soon part, somewhat awkwardly, and walk towards to the ER. Once they arrive there, Sam gets called into an emergency surgery. Sam rushes off to surgery, asking her to keep him updated. She smiles, watching him go, then looking back down at her phone. She notices that there are more stretchers being prepared, and can faintly hear the sound of what seems to be a helicopter.

"Hey," She greets the doctors racing past her. "What's going on?"

She's curious.

"They're airlifting people from the other car."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Addison's heart begins to race and her stomach sinks. Everything is silent to her now apart from the whirring of the helicopter that she can now clearly see has landed in the air strip next to the hospital. As she watches a stretcher being lifted out of the helicopter, she can see a young man with his arm in a sling walking towards the hospital with a paramedic. He looks like...no. It can't be. Everything turns to slow motion as she turns her head once more, watching as the figures come closer. It is Dell. Dell shakes off the paramedic's help, and continues to walk towards her. She looks at him questioningly.

"What's going on?"

His face is ashen.

"There was an accident. We got hit."

He pulls away from her attempt at a comforting touch, and walks into the hospital. She watches as the stretcher is now moving right past her. It's Maya.

_Oh my God_, she thinks to herself, watching as they move into the hospital behind Dell.

_How on Earth did this happen?_


	9. 9

**Oh my goodness, it's been soooo long since I last posted an update/chapter! I am so so so so so sorry guys, I moved house and things were just very very hectic for a while. I promise that I will update more frequently now though... PLEASE READ! AND PLEASE REVIEW! Lurkers, come out of the dark! I love all kinds of reviews :) It makes me post quicker ;) xo**

Addison paces as she waits for Amelia to come into the OR.  
What the hell is she meant to do? This is _Maya_, just a girl, a young girl who is the daughter of her best friend in the world, and the man that she loves.  
How can she just move through, do the motions like this isn't probably one of the most important surgeries she's ever done?  
She already tried to do the surgery before, and moved the baby, and now Maya may have a chance of being paralyzed for life. Not directly because of the surgery, but they didn't know that the baby was the only thing stopping her from bleeding out in the first place.  
She's also nervous because she has barely spoken to Amelia the last week, and when they were discussing the options for Maya's surgery she could feel the tension so thick that she could have cut it with a knife.  
When did this happen? When did she start losing all of the people that she cared about most?  
She knew that she was probably being just a tiny bit melodramatic, but it was still hard, loving someone and being so estranged from them, even if it was only for a week.  
Addison and Amelia hadn't seen each other for years before her surprise visit a couple of weeks prior, but even in a week she had re-cemented her place in Addison's life, and the woman couldn't imagine her life now without her in it.  
They had always been each others constant, and that was what worked for them. That was why it felt so strange now, to be in this position, barely speaking, Amelia staying at Charlotte's house.  
She didn't even know if Amelia was staying in LA for good, or if she was planning on taking off soon.  
She hoped that she would stay. Even if the girl didn't know it, she was one of the most important people in Addison's life.  
She had been for a long, long time, and Addison knew that it would stay that way. She knows that she needs to apologise to Amelia, and soon, before their relationship breaks down even further.  
As she's thinking this, the young brunette walks into the OR, nodding at Addison before talking to one of the nurses and making sure that everything has been prepped properly for the surgery.  
"Are we ready?" She asks, not even looking at Addison.  
The nurses nod, and Addison nods too.  
"Yes," She agrees.  
"We're ready."

As Amelia scrubs out and prepares to go into Dell's surgery, she is tapped on the shoulder.  
"Hey," Addison smiles.  
"Hey," She replies, pulling off her gown and throwing it into the bin. "Shouldn't you still be in there?"  
"They're just getting a few things ready for the C-Section," Addison explains, gesturing to the OR that they just walked out of. "We can take our time now that her temp is back to normal. There's no risk to the baby anymore."  
Amelia nods, and they stand in silence for a moment before Addison speaks again.  
"Listen, Amelia," She begins, walking over to the younger woman and touching her shoulder lightly. "About the other night, last week.."  
"Don't even worry about that," Amelia interrupts. "I understand. It's fine."  
Forcing a smile, she tries to turn but is stopped by Addison.  
"You can do this, you know," She reassures Amelia. "You are one of the best neurosurgeons that I have ever met. Don't doubt your abilities. You'll be fine."  
"I know," Amelia lies through her teeth. "It will be fine."  
She nods at Addison once more before walking out of the room, leaving Addison to perform the rest of the surgery on Maya as she moves to another room to operate on Dell.

What feels like days, but is actually just mere hours later, Amelia walks out of the operating room, running into Addison on her way back to the others, to give the news about the surgery.  
"How's Maya?" She asks tentatively.  
Addison smiles, her face lighting up.  
"She's doing great. What about Dell?"  
Addison looks over at Amelia expectantly. As much as she tries to conceal it, Amelia knows that she has a terrible poker face, and tears are threatening to spill. She must be pale as a ghost.  
"Oh," Addison swallows, her hands now on her cheeks. "Oh, no..."  
Amelia nods sadly. As much as she tried, she couldn't save the young man's life.  
She didn't know him very well, but she knew that Addison and the others loved him, so much, they were like a family, and this hits her hard and makes it all the worse.  
"Who should go in first?" She asks nervously.  
They stand in silence for a moment.  
"I will, I should.." Addison begins, tears falling softly down her flushed cheeks. She wipes them from her face; turns and walks towards the waiting room. Amelia runs a little to catch up and falls in behind her, taking the redhead's hand in hers. It's a silent apology.  
"We can do this you know," Addison smiles sadly, squeezing Amelia's hand.  
"Together."

The others have filed out of the waiting room, stating reasons of work, coffee, tiredness.  
She isn't sure where Amelia has gone, but Addison assumes that she just left with the others. Maybe she's gone to get some coffee with Sam. She walks out also, and sees Pete standing outside the window, in the corridor. Addison watches Pete as he watches Violet, who is inside the room still, cradling Betsey in her arms, kissing her forehead and possibly mumbling that everything was going to be alright. Pete has a look in his eyes that she has never seen on him, well, not with her anyway.  
But always with Violet.  
"She's ready, you know," Addison begins tentatively.  
Pete turns, noticing her for the first time since she left the room.  
"For Lucas?" He asks.  
She nods.  
"And for you."  
She places a hand on his shoulder. He looks at her questioningly, and she just shrugs in response.  
"We both knew this couldn't last forever."  
Placing a kiss to his unshaven cheek, she walks away, tears beginning to form in light green eyes.

Amelia walks out of the waiting room.  
She's sure that the others have barely registered her absence. Feeling that same feeling that she had earlier in the day, after Claire's surgery, she walks, aimlessly, until finally she can't take it anymore and leans against a wall.  
Tears that threatened to spill earlier fall furiously, and she wipes at them vaguely with the back of her hand. She holds her head in her hands, feeling her body beginning to shake. The weight of what has happened over the last twenty four hours is beginning to take hold.  
Finally she gives up and just lets herself cry, sliding down the wall and sobbing. She doesn't care if anyone knows, she doesn't care if anyone sees. She doesn't know what's wrong, and she sure as hell doesn't even know who she is anymore, or what she's doing. It's all falling to pieces and she can see it happening. Footsteps sound in the empty hallway, and she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder. She jumps up, standing quickly.  
"Hey, are..." Addison takes in the picture of Amelia, distraught in the corridor, and frowns "Oh my goodness, honey, are you okay?"  
She tries to pull her in close for a hug but Amelia shakes her off, walking down the hallway once more.  
"Amelia!?" Addison calls out, following close behind. "Amelia!?"  
Amelia ignores her, walking until she finds an empty supply closet.  
Attempting to shut the door, she is blocked by the red head, who enters the room with her and shuts the door softly behind her.  
"Amelia." Addison looks at her with worry. "What is going on here?"  
Amelia opens her mouth, as if to speak, and then closes it quickly. She shrugs.  
"I killed Dell," She whispers. "First I take away Claire's happiness, and then I have to fix Maya's spine and now I kill Dell... I just... I.."  
Addison moves closer.  
"You know that what happened to Dell was not your fault, right?" Addison says reassuringly. "He was too far gone."  
"But I should've-"  
"No. You couldn't have done anything differently. You can't blame yourself, okay? Not for any of it. I'm upset too, but I know that I still have you. My sister. And that helps."  
Addison reaches forward and pushes a stray lock of brunette hair behind Amelia's ear. At the touch, Amelia's lips tremble, and she begins to sob, harsh and loud. As Addison moves forward, she continues to move back, and hits a metal shelf, which spills. This makes her sob louder. She doesn't know why, but she simply cannot handle the redhead's touch right now, not when she feels as fragile as glass.  
"Please," She whispers. "Don't touch me."  
Addison moves back, clearly upset by the words.  
"Oh, Ames..." She whispers, pity laced in her voice.  
Amelia frowns.  
"I don't deserve your pity. And I definitely don't deserve your love."  
Addison takes Amelia's hand, and is shrugged off once again.  
"I'm broken, Addison" Amelia cries. "Can't you see that?" She looks into Addison's green eyes, terrified of what she might find in them.  
"You only cared when I was a project, when you thought that you could fix me. But you know what? You can't fix me. I'm broken, Addison. I'm broken. And no amount of goodwill and sisterly love is going to fix that!" Amelia chokes out a sob. She can see that Addison is hurt by her words, but she continues. "I thought I could do this but I can't. I thought I could be here but I can't. Today just proves that. And don't pretend like it even matters if I'm gone. I'm not anything for you. I'm not anything to you. We didn't even speak for the last week, you didn't even care, and-" She stops. She can feel her hands trembling, and the saltwater of her tears is leaking on to her lips. "I'm not your sister anymore. I guess that it's time that we both accepted that fact."  
Addison is crying now, she can see, and this breaks her heart in two. She loves Addison, but she knows that she is broken, too broken, to stay here. It's just a matter of time before she hurts the people she loves again, hurts Addison again. She has already killed Dell. She doesn't want to know how much further she can go.

She moves to pass Addison.  
"Please," She hears Addison whisper. She turns around. "Please don't leave."  
Addison holds her hand desperately. She is obviously upset and doesn't know what has happened to precede this breakdown. Amelia reaches a trembling hand forward, wiping Addison's tears with the pad of her thumb.  
"Maybe it's just better this way," She reasons. "You have Pete, and Lucas, and Sam. You love them."  
"But I need you." Amelia can see the desperation in Addison's eyes. They've both had a long, horrible day, so it's unsurprising that Addison feels the need to reach out to Amelia in this moment. Addison places a hand over the one of Amelia's that is still cupping her cheek. Before Amelia can resist, she feels herself being pulled into an embrace. The wind is knocked out of her. She relaxes into it slowly. They stand there for what feels like hours before parting. Still standing close, Amelia can see every line on Addison's beautiful face, her piercing green eyes, her slightly parted lips. A flush of warmth hits her stomach. She frowns. She can feel the other woman's breath on her cheek, and notices that Addison is trembling too, now. They look into each other's eyes, focused, and it seems for a moment that they're getting closer, too close, and her heart is pounding and Addison is looking at her with a strange expression and-

"I have to go." Amelia blurts out, extracting herself from Addison and bolting out of the room. She doesn't look back until she has run out of the hospital double doors.

Amelia ignores the twelve missed calls on her cell phone as she runs to Charlotte's house.  
That's right, she literally runs, even though she technically has no reason to hurry, and she could've just as easily hailed a taxi outside the hospital. She could've hailed a taxi outside the hospital, but she prefers this, the cold air hitting her lungs, her bones jarringly pounding the pavement as she tries to shake herself free of whatever just almost happened with her and the woman she had long considered her own family.  
It takes her about ten minutes before her body, exhausted, begins to tell her that it's time to stop. Eyes watering, she gasps, frantically trying to take in air as she comes to a stop. She powerwalks the rest of the way to Charlotte's house.  
Once she's there, she uses the spare key behind a little clay sculpture of the Wicked Witch of the West on the stoop - 'How predictably Charlotte', She rolls her eyes - and lets herself in.  
The house is, as she had hoped, empty, Charlotte still being at work at St Ambrose during this exhausting day. She continues to walk into the guest bedroom, picking up her navy blue duffel bag from inside the doorway and throwing random pieces of clothing inside. Amelia barely pays attention to what she is actually putting inside the bag, but somehow it makes her feel a tiny bit better, normal, this process of packing. Walking into the kitchen, she picks up a ripped envelope and a pen, turning over the paper to scribble a note to her newfound friend.

She walks out, locking the door behind her, placing the key carefully back underneath the porcelain and hailing the first cab she sees. As she sits on the faded leather, she closes her eyes, picturing the cryptic note she left the blonde, the only one who she actually wanted to know that she was leaving. The small, slanted cursive was as close to a proper goodbye as she could manage.

_**Don't worry.**_

_**A**_

_**x**_

After all, she had never been that good at goodbyes.


End file.
